this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
