so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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