You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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