Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
