Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
