Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize