Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
