i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
