She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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