Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
