Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
