Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
