Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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