I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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