i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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