she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
