Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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