I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
