Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
