She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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