it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You can't special order awesome
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You took a bar mat shot.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
