I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
