Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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