He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
