I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You need a sexual gate keeper
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize