gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
