woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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