I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize