White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
