just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
