You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
