Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
