somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
