She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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