eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize