You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize