i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
