I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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