Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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