All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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