So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
