69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
