I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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