I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
