Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
