nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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