Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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