ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
