My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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