we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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