ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
FUCK WHALES
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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