You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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