I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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