i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
