i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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