did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
