The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
