I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
