The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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