apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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