is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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