i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
