Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
