tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Small penises have feelings too.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
