so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
